I never realized how lonely the city could really be. And before you say it, yes I realize how cliche that it. But the thing about cliches is that they're cliches for a reason. Maybe loneliness is just amplified here because there's always so many people out. Regardless, I constantly find myself on stupid dating apps just so that I can talk to someone. Pathetic, I know. But thats the truth. I've realized that boredom is responsible for some really bad decision, and while that sounds like a complete cop-out; it's what Im sticking with.

In fact, let me share with you were I found myself about two years ago. You guessed it. Doing something I never thought I would be doing. Meeting with one of those guys from those dating apps. He was MUCH older than me and going through a divorce but it all sounded so. . .exciting and new, I figured, why not?! Not much longer I found myself in a relationship with a man 20 years older and lying to all those that I love. It was fun, not gonna lie about that. But that kind of thing just weighs on your conscious. About a month ago, I broke it off. It sucked-sucks but it had to be done. It felt like such a relief which definitely means it had to be done. After it was all done with realized that I was never really attracted to him. How fucked up is that?! But he was the sweetest, kindest man and ahem very giving, if you know what I mean.

About a week after I broke it off with, let's call him Brian, I found myself relentlessly flirting with an occasional coworker, let's call him Dexter. Dexter loved to threaten me with spankings which I was very much okay with. It was all fun and games until I confessed that I was starting to have feeling for him and he spanked with the "I just got out of a relationship" bullshit. Which made me feel even worse, all things considered. However, my confession didn't stop him from texting me every day for a month which, frankly, was just plain confusing. And the world likes to claim that girls are the ones that are ones that play games.

I have to go for now, but I promise I'll fill you in with my demented "love" life later.