I never realized how lonely the city could really be. And before you say it, yes I realize how cliche that it. But the thing about cliches is that they're cliches for a reason. Maybe loneliness is just amplified here because there's always so many people out. Regardless, I constantly find myself on stupid dating apps just so that I can talk to someone. Pathetic, I know. But thats the truth. I've realized that boredom is responsible for some really bad decision, and while that sounds like a complete cop-out; it's what Im sticking with.

In fact, let me share with you were I found myself about two years ago. You guessed it. Doing something I never thought I would be doing. Meeting with one of those guys from those dating apps. He was MUCH older than me and going through a divorce but it all sounded so. . .exciting and new, I figured, why not?! Not much longer I found myself in a relationship with a man 20 years older and lying to all those that I love. It was fun, not gonna lie about that. But that kind of thing just weighs on your conscious. About a month ago, I broke it off. It sucked-sucks but it had to be done. It felt like such a relief which definitely means it had to be done. After it was all done with realized that I was never really attracted to him. How fucked up is that?! But he was the sweetest, kindest man and ahem very giving, if you know what I mean.

About a week after I broke it off with, let's call him Brian, I found myself relentlessly flirting with an occasional coworker, let's call him Dexter. Dexter loved to threaten me with spankings which I was very much okay with. It was all fun and games until I confessed that I was starting to have feeling for him and he spanked with the "I just got out of a relationship" bullshit. Which made me feel even worse, all things considered. However, my confession didn't stop him from texting me every day for a month which, frankly, was just plain confusing. And the world likes to claim that girls are the ones that are ones that play games.

I have to go for now, but I promise I'll fill you in with my demented "love" life later.

Hey there. So Im not quite what Im doing or how even got here to be completely honest but here I am! I suppose I should start by telling you-whoever you may be- a little about myself. Im just a 21 year old girl living in the glorious city of Chicago trying to balance my lives. Soooo enjoy!